All wholesome & stuff

I'm in an unnamed midwest city, a very large one, as evidenced in the very thick yellow pages. But here's the thing: I don't think this town has a single alternative business of any type. I looked. My fingers walked all over those robust yellow pages. I looked under "adult." Nothing. I looked under "pornography." Nothing. I looked under "bookstores, adult" and not only did I find nothing, the ratio of Christian bookstores to regular bookstores was, frankly, a little scary. Strip clubs. Nothing under than entry. Also nothing under "marital aids" or "gay"--or any iteration of the word. I know there must be places where people buy their porn and things that go buzz in the night. And c'mon, everybody likes a good drag show now and again. But I'll be damned if I know what the code words are to find these places in the yellow pages.