The virtual I, at the I

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Worth it

It was truly hell getting here. Days that stretched to weeks to months, past a year and nearly a second. Still nothing. Only wondering and waiting and struggling to keep that toehold on my own humanity, my eyes fixed steadfastly on that one thing, "it will be worth it." Until that wasn't there either. My tenacity and faith had no direction and they fell. It was dark, for as long again as before, my eyes unable to see even inches before my own face. I don't exactly remember how it became light again or why.

Sitting on the other side, I've found that the thing that made it "worth it" has nothing to do with the thing I was fighting for in the first place. The insight I gained and the people it brought into my life are for more precious than that thing I was so desperately trying to hold on to. That was not worth it. This is.

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Insight?

Somehow my son and I got into a discussion about grandchildren this evening. He declared he had no interest in having children: "They would have my genes, and thus your genes, and would be a neurotic mess."

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