In both my personal and professional life, as of late, I have come across situations where I begin to glimpse at least a temporary light at the end of the tunnel. When I first realize it is there, I am, of course, happy and excited at the prospect of something positive in the near future. Shortly thereafter, the nerves set in, and I find myself more-than-slightly stressed at yet another prospect: that somehow, something will come along and muck up the entire thing, that all of the sudden, that light will disappear.
I have heard others voice similar concerns. But some folks just seem to be able to look optimistically into the future and not become distracted by the "what-ifs." And at times, I really wish I were more like them. Instead, I am afflicted with a terrible case of cynicism and an outlook that is akin to "I'll believe it when I see it."
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Saturday, February 09, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I'm a schoolgirl again
Braid my hair and find me some knee socks and a plaid skirt, 'cause I'm officially a student. I have a textbook. I have a notebook. I have homework. I proclaimed all of these things to my kids when I got home yesterday, and they just rolled their eyes. Killjoys!
I'll have to be careful that I don't get carried away with this whole thing, though. I'm learning how to properly do social science research. Aside from the frameworks of the thing, scientific method and such, it appears the basic premise involves spending a great deal of time peering at people and things. And that, folks, is always big fun, especially for a people-watcher like me. As a journalist, I got paid to be nosy and then write about it. Near as I can tell, this whole research gig is about the same thing:
Man on bus: Lady, why the heck are you staring at me and scribbling in that notebook?
Me: (all official sounding) Do not worry, sir. It's for science.
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I'll have to be careful that I don't get carried away with this whole thing, though. I'm learning how to properly do social science research. Aside from the frameworks of the thing, scientific method and such, it appears the basic premise involves spending a great deal of time peering at people and things. And that, folks, is always big fun, especially for a people-watcher like me. As a journalist, I got paid to be nosy and then write about it. Near as I can tell, this whole research gig is about the same thing:
Man on bus: Lady, why the heck are you staring at me and scribbling in that notebook?
Me: (all official sounding) Do not worry, sir. It's for science.
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Germophobe's nightmare
So, if bacteria, by their nature, multiply very quickly, and antibacterial cleaners kill 99.99 percent of bacteria, I have to wonder: What's the point? That .01 percent of bacteria will just multiply again and we'll all be back to our creepy-crawly baseline in no time. C'mon folks, find me a disinfectant, aside from napalm and a match, that'll kill 100 percent and then maybe I'll be impressed. Touting 99.99 percent is just pointless.
I'm just sayin'.
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I'm just sayin'.
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008
WOW! THIS IS EXCITING!
I know the message in my e-mail inbox is exciting because the person tells me, in the very first sentence that it is exciting. I also know it is exciting because the entire rest of the message is in
LARGE, BOLD, ALL CAPS.
That or this person is really, really irritated with me. Hmm ...
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LARGE, BOLD, ALL CAPS.
That or this person is really, really irritated with me. Hmm ...
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Monday, January 28, 2008
Close eyes, plug nose, jump
I am either highly motivated or completely out of my mind. Seems I have talked myself into signing up for the first class in a master's program. Let's see:
High-stress job that pays the bills and little else?
Check
Three kids at home?
Check
Deadbeat ex who hasn't worked in years and who thinks child support is something you do to keep them from falling over?
Check
Voluteer board work that can sometimes be a giant sucking sound?
Check
Neglected friendships?
Check
Well, hell, I suppose I ought to add a little coursework to the mix.
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High-stress job that pays the bills and little else?
Check
Three kids at home?
Check
Deadbeat ex who hasn't worked in years and who thinks child support is something you do to keep them from falling over?
Check
Voluteer board work that can sometimes be a giant sucking sound?
Check
Neglected friendships?
Check
Well, hell, I suppose I ought to add a little coursework to the mix.
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New heights of high maintenance
Man: I'm heading home from work now after a long, long day.
Woman: I didn't feel like driving today. Come pick me up and run me on my errands.
Man: Yes, dear.
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Woman: I didn't feel like driving today. Come pick me up and run me on my errands.
Man: Yes, dear.
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If you've gotta end it ...
I have two very dear friends who have been in a serious relationship for several years now. They recently decided, mutually, to end the romantic side of their relationship. Apparently, they are both fine with it, which is really my chief concern. However, I have to say that their manner of calling it ranks up there in the top 10 best of all time and proves, once and for all, that they are two of the most awesome people on Earth.
Some people break up over the phone.
Some people break up in a fancy restaurant.
And some, well, they go to New Zealand and break up in the shadow of Mount Doom. "...only there can it be unmade."
Perhaps I should have said that they are the most awesome people in Middle Earth.
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Some people break up over the phone.
Some people break up in a fancy restaurant.
And some, well, they go to New Zealand and break up in the shadow of Mount Doom. "...only there can it be unmade."
Perhaps I should have said that they are the most awesome people in Middle Earth.
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Sunday, January 20, 2008
Rugged Alaska woman-in-training
After inches and inches of snow last week, my skiing partner and I had only one thought on our minds: Time for the first crack at the longer trails. 'Course, things are a bit different this year, namely that said partner now has a tiny baby. The solution? Strap her in the backpack, clip the boots in the bindings and shove off. Nearly four miles and only a single butt plant later, the little one had survived some cold toes and was well entrenched in learning what it takes to be a true Alaska girl. And Mom? She officially earned the right to call herself "The Machine."
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Thursday, January 17, 2008
Darwinian destiny
The story: A woman looks outside the house on a snowy morning as she prepares to step into her SUV and go to work. It snowed six inches the night before. What does she do? Does she put it in four-wheel-drive and punch it? Does she grab a snow shovel? Does she call a plow company? Nope. She cries. And cries and cries and calls her spouse in the middle of his work day, sobbing, to come save her.
Astute observation: In nature, there is something called survival of the fittest. It's a good thing some of us are human beings and not gazelles.
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Astute observation: In nature, there is something called survival of the fittest. It's a good thing some of us are human beings and not gazelles.
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Thursday, January 10, 2008
Preschool politico
A friend's 3-year-old son was listening to candidate Clinton speak on the radio after losing in Iowa. At the moment she started to sniffle, he burst into song:
"I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I beg you to beg me.
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I ... see you cryin'?"
Kid has a future in campaign management. I think that's much more apropos than any other campaign theme song I have ever heard.
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"I want you to want me.
I need you to need me.
I'd love you to love me.
I beg you to beg me.
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I ... see you cryin'?"
Kid has a future in campaign management. I think that's much more apropos than any other campaign theme song I have ever heard.
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My confession
Yes, folks, it's true. Up until just about a week ago, I was still *sob* on dial-up. I am working through the steps to reform and concentrating on those green, blinking lights on my new cable modem.
What? You were looking for something more sordid?
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What? You were looking for something more sordid?
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Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanksgiving weekend
A weekend out of town does wonders for mental health.
Food helps. I take full credit for the mound of mashed potatoes in the middle of the table. Must have been something akin to driving fatigue, except with potatoes. I just kept peeling and peeling and before I knew it the entire stock pot was full. Oops.
The next day, all the girls ventured forth on four-wheelers.
We ended our journey at the Nenana River, where we stopped for a snack and a feeble attempt at fishing. We held onto said snacks for dear life, as the wind tends to blow a bit in our corner of the globe. By "a bit," I mean "screaming down the valley so fast that we were in danger of becoming human tumbleweeds."
Fun anyway though, red noses and all.
Stay tuned. A fascinating discussion on the merits of face-first arctic fish calling is soon to come.
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Food helps. I take full credit for the mound of mashed potatoes in the middle of the table. Must have been something akin to driving fatigue, except with potatoes. I just kept peeling and peeling and before I knew it the entire stock pot was full. Oops.
The next day, all the girls ventured forth on four-wheelers.
We ended our journey at the Nenana River, where we stopped for a snack and a feeble attempt at fishing. We held onto said snacks for dear life, as the wind tends to blow a bit in our corner of the globe. By "a bit," I mean "screaming down the valley so fast that we were in danger of becoming human tumbleweeds." Fun anyway though, red noses and all.
Stay tuned. A fascinating discussion on the merits of face-first arctic fish calling is soon to come.
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Friday, November 02, 2007
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Fairly sparkly
Halloween for me this year was a veritable orgy of organza and sparkles.
Did I mention the sparkles? Did I mention that, for the first time since I was five, it was OK to color all over my arms, chest and face with a crayon.
My partner in crime went more for the riding crop look.
The result: sort of a good fairy/bad fairy effect. We terrorized the town for several hours before retiring our wings for another year.
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Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Saucy science
A note to any of you who may be contemplating adding a bit of fish to your homemade alfredo sauce (because we all contemplate such things periodically, no?): Proceed with caution. Repeat after me: Add cheese first, then add the fish.
Apparently, parmesan cheese has a stronger chemical or physical attraction to salmon than it does to noodles. I put the fish in with the milk and butter and then added the noodles. The result: glob-o-cheesy-salmon and watery, milk-flavored "sauce" that necessitated a bit of corn starch to make it palatable. A smooth, creamy alfredo sauce was noticeably absent.
My culinary heartbreak aside, I do wonder: Is it physics or chemistry that makes the cheese cling to the salmon like a groupie to a glam rocker? And more importantly, do you think I could find some way to turn that into a master's thesis?
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Apparently, parmesan cheese has a stronger chemical or physical attraction to salmon than it does to noodles. I put the fish in with the milk and butter and then added the noodles. The result: glob-o-cheesy-salmon and watery, milk-flavored "sauce" that necessitated a bit of corn starch to make it palatable. A smooth, creamy alfredo sauce was noticeably absent.
My culinary heartbreak aside, I do wonder: Is it physics or chemistry that makes the cheese cling to the salmon like a groupie to a glam rocker? And more importantly, do you think I could find some way to turn that into a master's thesis?
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Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Of purple spruce trees
I had the strangest experience today at a meeting. Several people were telling me something that simply isn't and then looking at me like I was highly offensive and slightly crazy for pointing that out. And then they asked me to justify what I would do to make the thing that isn't right with the world. It was like some alternate universe or something:
Setting - In the woods, next to a towering spruce tree
Cast - Me, Person 1, Person 2
Me: Wow. That's an amazing tree.
Person 1: Yes, that purple spruce tree is just gorgeous.
Person 2: (with emphasis) I am just blown away by the beautiful purple color of that spruce tree.
Me: (laughing at their joke) Yeah! That spruce tree's just the perfect grape color. (winks and elbows Person 2.)
Person 2: (glaring) What's so funny? I really do think it's a pretty purple spruce tree.
Person 1: Yeah, why are you laughing? It really is a lovely shade of purple.
Me: (brows furrowed in a puzzled way) Umm. Yeah, but the tree is green. It's a spruce tree. They are green.
Person 1: No, it is NOT green. It's purple.
Me: But ... But ... (points to tree) It's green. Can't you see it? It's a perfectly lovely, perfectly green, spruce tree.
Person 2: (shakes head) Why do you have to be so negative?
Person 1: (shakes head and walks away with Person 2) Yeah. You just don't know anything about spruce trees. Why do you always have to argue about these things. We know that spruce trees are purple.
Me: (softly and looking at the tree with a baffled expression) I don't understand. The tree is green.
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Setting - In the woods, next to a towering spruce tree
Cast - Me, Person 1, Person 2
Me: Wow. That's an amazing tree.
Person 1: Yes, that purple spruce tree is just gorgeous.
Person 2: (with emphasis) I am just blown away by the beautiful purple color of that spruce tree.
Me: (laughing at their joke) Yeah! That spruce tree's just the perfect grape color. (winks and elbows Person 2.)
Person 2: (glaring) What's so funny? I really do think it's a pretty purple spruce tree.
Person 1: Yeah, why are you laughing? It really is a lovely shade of purple.
Me: (brows furrowed in a puzzled way) Umm. Yeah, but the tree is green. It's a spruce tree. They are green.
Person 1: No, it is NOT green. It's purple.
Me: But ... But ... (points to tree) It's green. Can't you see it? It's a perfectly lovely, perfectly green, spruce tree.
Person 2: (shakes head) Why do you have to be so negative?
Person 1: (shakes head and walks away with Person 2) Yeah. You just don't know anything about spruce trees. Why do you always have to argue about these things. We know that spruce trees are purple.
Me: (softly and looking at the tree with a baffled expression) I don't understand. The tree is green.
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Thursday, September 13, 2007
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Overheard
Woman 1: So it's just after the orgasm that everything goes to shit?
Woman 2: That pretty much sums up my first marriage.
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Woman 2: That pretty much sums up my first marriage.
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