In my years as a journalist and an avid watcher of current events, I have witnesses the beauty of the human spirit. I have also seen us at our worst. I have spoken to killers and have listened to child molesters. I have seen people lie and cheat and exploit their friends and family members in order to get what they want. I have watched families go through unbearable pain and heard many of them utter the words, “if only.” If only we would have been more careful. If only we would have checked things out more completely. To say that journalism can leave one skeptical would be an understatement.
However, someone held a mirror to me this afternoon and it made me a little sad because that skepticism is also part of my personal life now. I never want to be that person saying, “if only,” and I do what I can to avoid that scenario. I check out new people that come into my life, especially if I know they will have contact with my children or if they will be someone I may spend a great deal of time with. It’s nothing intrusive, just a quick courthouse records check and a run through a couple of search engines and databases. Still, I suspect that most of the world doesn’t do it. Despite the fact that our sense of privacy is a bit of a fallacy, in my opinion, people don’t like the idea of big brother or their friends checking up on them. It comes across as a little creepy.
Today, I told someone I checked them out, and it bothered this person, hurt them a little, I suspect. And this is someone who I absolutely do not want to hurt. This person wondered why I would trust so little, why I would be unable to take what they say at face value and evaluate their character on my own, without the aid of my search engines. And I didn’t have a good answer for that, other than I have seen the worst and want to be careful. It sounds pragmatic on paper, and it is. But interpersonal relationships are often not built on the practical. They are not business deals. And when you’re speaking to someone, and they say, with a tinge of anger or sadness in their voice, “Have I not been honest with you? Why don’t you trust what I tell you?” it’s difficult to say anything but, “I apologize.”
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Periodic epiphanies and other less-than-profound musings from the North.
About Me
- MG
- I'm a mother and friend and daughter who sometimes moonlights as a writer, editor, designer, photographer and superflak. I'm a lousy bureaucrat and don't really know what it feels like to be middle-of-the-road about anything.
1 comment:
OK, look. It's not true that most people don't investigate, to some degree, people who enter their lives. The big difference is that you told that person -- why? :) Most of us don't tell the person we're stalking or investigating when we do it.
So let it be said now -- if you know me in any way (be it friend, neighbor, relative...), you can be sure I've looked you up. And I know all about your shit. I know about your DUI at 19. I know about you defaulting on your student loans. I know about the time you hit your wife and she called the cops. I know the plumber took you to small claims court. Knowledge is power!
OK, I realize that I, too, am a former journalist. (And also a former landlord.) So it's a disease. Still, I think it's a lot more common than you think.
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