Tuesday, July 29, 2008


Never thought I'd see the day, but Reuters just moved an alert "Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska Reportedly Indicted."


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Monday, July 28, 2008

Nobody loves me like me

Conversation at the bar:

Man: It's getting late, I think I'll head home and not get laid.
Man's friend: I wish you luck with that.
Man: I think I can pull it off.
Man's friend: Don't pull it off!

Just to ease your mind, I have been assured that it is still, indeed, attached.

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Sunday, July 27, 2008

What IS that?

OK, I'll offer my eternal gratitude to the person who can tell me what the hell that little doohickey is on the upper right hand section of Ted Stevens' campaign logo. Is it a flag? Is it a bird? Is it a globe? Maybe it's just a bastardization of the Banner Health logo.

I don't know what the heck it is, but should go on some wall of shame somewhere for failed graphic design. Unless, perhaps, they were going for the "WTF?" effect: "WTF is that? They must be so brilliant that my simple mind cannot wrap itself around the glory that is Ted. Maybe I should vote for him. Oh yes, I should."

Errr... Yeah, that must be it.

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A religious experience in the cheese aisle

A friend of mine, who really needs to blog, had a rather profound epiphany in the cheese aisle of the local grocery store the other day.

Now, apparently, she was innocently doing her shopping and passed safely by this guy, who was wearing a helmet and passing out bible fliers in a rather vigorous way. She watched this guy stop someone else and hand them one of those great leaflets, you know, the kind with dancing devils or some equally devilish sort rubbing his hands in glee as he leads someone down the path to eternal damnation. The man asked passers-by, in a very loud voice, whether they had accepted Je-sus as their personal savior.

My friend was about to roll her eyes, when that little voice inside her, you know the one we all have that often sounds like our mothers, said, "Come on, give the man a break. He probably truly believes he is ministering to the masses, doing the right thing, walking in the path of Jesus."

Then, like a beam of light from heaven, it struck her. That annoying guy probably was following in the path of Jesus. And if that is true, then ... Oh my God, Jesus was annoying. Jesus was one of those guys handing out Bible tracts in front of the grocery store. He was the guy who gives trick-or-treaters little pamphlets about the evils of Halloween, along with their candy. People probably rolled their eyes at him all the time. They probably pretended they weren't home when he knocked on their doors and went out of their way to avoid him in the open-air market. And you know, that's actually a pretty heartening thought, whether you believe the whole son-of-god thing or not. If I were to going to believe in a deity, I'd certainly like him or her to be just like the rest of us, which includes being annoying as hell sometimes.

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Friday, July 11, 2008

How to get sent to a class

Acronyms have gotten out of control. I offer this from a professional development flier about how to cultivate good listening skills:

"CARESS to Listen Effectively"

In this case, "CARESS" stands for concentrate, acknowledge, research, exercise emotional control, sense the nonverbal message and structure.

But really, if you start caressing your officemates and telling them that you are just trying to listen to them more effectively, you are more likely to get sent to those classes where they try to make it very clear that you are NOT supposed to caress, grope, grab, stroke or otherwise invade the intimate space of your colleagues. I wonder how the HR folks would take it if you tried the "but this pamphlet TOLD me to caress people" tactic.

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