Sunday, February 25, 2007

Flirtin’ with ... somethin’

Is it bad when I start to think my song, as reference below, might be the Molly Hatchet anthem?

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Honey ... you’re fired.

Add this to the strange marketing hall of fame:

As the shopper walks down the aisle of Fred Meyer, she is drawn to the powder-blue cardboard display jutting into the aisle. “As seen on ‘The Apprentice’” the words on the side proudly and loudly proclaim. Being the well-trained consumer that she is, the shopper immediately starts to think, “Wow. That’s intriguing. I mean, it’s such a wonderful, if a little naughty, show. So entertaining. And think of the status I could achieve if I were to use the same product they use on this show. My friends would be so impressed.” Her heart skips a beat when she picks up the product from the display. There, on the label, is a teeny-tiny picture of “The Donald” on the label, looking all cutthroat businessman-like. “Oh man,” she thinks, “I could actually have the one and only Donald Trump staring at me in the kitchen. I don’t care what you say, you mean ol’ Rosie O’Donnell, that Mr. Trump is simply fantastic.”

That’s it, she’s hooked. Mission accomplished. Goodbye store-brand. You’re fired, FMV. She’s moved on.

From here on out, it’s Sue Bee honey in the 12-ounce squeeze bottle with a flip-top lid. As seen on “The Apprentice.”

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Friday, February 23, 2007

Hit the dirt!

This just in: New Jerusalem Church of God in Christ is hosting a "Soul Winning Explosion" this week. Lift your head at your own peril. It could be lopped off by exploding soul shrapnel. And that, folks, is a very scary thing.

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Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Profound. Really.

"Lead, lunch and children are a perilous mix."
-Connecticut Attorney General Richard Blumenthal

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If you were a song...

A very wise friend of mine recently likened a person's life to a song, with its accompanying changes in tune and pitch and volume. This was in the midst of some relatively serious soul-searching on my part about whether certain actions define a person and/or their relationships with other people.

Seriousness aside, however, that prompted an amusing thought in my brain. If I were a song, what would I be? It probably changes from day to day.

Today? I think it's a "Da Da Da," sort of day. How 'bout you?

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Thursday, February 01, 2007

Life in a bureaucracy

Have an idea for a project.
Write down your idea.
Make a list of all ideas and determine where your idea falls in the list.
Form a committee to study the idea.
Revise the idea and resubmit to the committee.
Help the committee determine who will carry out the project.
Have that person write the project down on a list.
Have that person's supervisor determine, in concert with his or her entire office, where that project falls on the person's list of priorities.
Person does project work.
* Have supervisor review the work.
Submit work to the committee.
Committee revises work and sends back to supervisor.
Supervisor, in concert with the entire office, directs the person to make the revisions.
Repeat from * five times.
Complete project.
Put project on a list of accomplishments.
Repeat entire process to generate a report to tell "Them" what you are doing with your time.

Now toss yourself out the window. AAAAA! *Thud*

This, folks, is what is meant by the term "self-licking ice cream cone."

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